My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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