I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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