I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
