my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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