I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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