Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
