I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
