nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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