when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
