I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
