While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
