I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
