the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
North Korea, Best Korea!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
