Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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