Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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