i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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