I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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