Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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