I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
