dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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