you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
