No I am not eating basil off your cock
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
