I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
