We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
