on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
