Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
