I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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