I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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