I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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