Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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