So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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