Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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