have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
