I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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