Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize