It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
