Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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