sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
