May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
