i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
