chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
