Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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