Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize