I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
