Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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