everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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