I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
