I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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