Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
