I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
