so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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