well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
