Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
