dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will pee on everything he values.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize