I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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