I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
