Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
