Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
