i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
