If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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