Tell her she can't have a vagina
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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