What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
