I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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