so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
