new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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