Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize