she looked like the before picture.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
