All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
