I seem to have left my pride at pride
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
