Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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