he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
