I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
