i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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